Gakuen Skytalia?
by RavenInTheNight
Summary: Lovino Jones is starting his first day of high school. The high school where everyone has powers. Except he doesn't. E normale. Warning for silliness and some slight OOC-ness.
1. In which all adults are idiots

**Am I crazy? Probably. Do I care? No. Because it's my insanity that brings us this awesomeness.**

**I don't own Hetalia, Sky High or anything else I may reference.**

**Beware of Gakuen AU, strange ages in comparison to each other, random genderbends, countries being children of each other for no reason, etc.**

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"Lovino, wake up! It's time for school!"

"Shut the fuck up, I'm coming!"

Lovino Jones tripped on the stairs, nearly falling as he made it to the kitchen. His mother was already waiting for him to steer him to the breakfast table, where his dad was shoveling burgers. Really, what.

His best friend, Felicia was waiting for him. She gave him a large grin, "Ve, morning! You sleep a lot, huh!"

"Shut up. Right now." Lovino brushed his mother off. Or tried to.

"Our little Lovi's going off to high school..." Alice Jones smiled and hugged him, ignoring his attempts to kick her in the ovaries, "I remember when he first went to preschool, and wouldn't let go of my leg-"

"Mom! Shut up!" Lovino glared at her, although it was hard to with his face compressed againt her chest. At least it hid the blush.

Felicia giggled, "I think this is going to be a lot of fun, ve~!"

Alfred looked up, "He's gonna be a hero, just like his old man!"

"Give it a bloody rest."

Alfred would have retorted, were it not for the alarm beeping. It was time for Burger Hero Man and Angelica Brittainia to fight crime. This meant his dad in a red-white-and-blue spandex suit and his mom in a skimpy cupid outfit, flying around the city. Jesus H. Christ.

Alice looked up seriously, "Feeling strong?"

"Feeling light?"

And off they went, leaving Lovino and Felicia alone to walk to the bus stop. Felicia happily chatted about pasta and animals, which Lovino could not care less about, but her company was appreciated just as much as she was outwardly pushed off.

Within minutes after they arrived, the bus pulled up. The driver was a happy Spanish man, grinning despite the ruckus behind him of kids. "Hola! Getting on?"

"...Sky High, right...?"

"Shh! Do you want everyone to know, mai?" the bus driver shooed them in, still smiling despite that.

Felicia was distracted by a cat-shaped bag one girl was holding. Lovino grabbed her hand to drag her away, which he quickly found was a wrong move. A girl looked up from a waffle she'd clearly snuck on board and moved out of her seat for them, clearing the two-seated space.

"I only need one fucking seat..."

"But you and your girlfriend should sit together!"

"She's not my girlfriend!" Lovino blushed and dragged a giggly Felicia farther back, where they could sit across the hall from each other.

This landed Lovino right next to another wierdo.

This guy acted as if they were already friends, and a bird perched on his head was easily creeping Lovino out. "Yo, so like, the totally awesome me can totally ace this year. They'll be looking for the awesomest of the heros before we even graduate. Am I right?"

"Fuck off." Lovino flipped him off, only to discover this did not faze him at all.

"Dude, chill. My name's Gilbert, yours?"

"...Lovino. NOW will you shut up?"

"Fine, man." Gilbert looked out the window, tapping his feet.

The bus driver called out triumphantly, "Everyone settle down, we're heading off the road! There's only a few people that know how to get to Sky High, and one of them is me: Antonio Carrieda, bus driver."

"Like we fucking care!" Lovino was quickly distracted from his bitching by random seatbelts going onto everyone, and the bus driving straight off a cliff before flying off.

Is everyone in this school crazy?

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Lovino and Felicia (and accompanying unwanted freshmans) were quickly greeted by two boys in Asian clothes. One was rather silent and Lovino thought his eyebrows were pretty similar to his mother's. Scary. The other had a hair sticking out of his head that looked like it had a face. Scarier.

"We're representing the Sky High welcoming commitee." the boy in the blue-and-white robe proclaimed.

"The $500 entrance fee, please." the boy in a red chinese garb calmly stretched his arm out farther than a normal human could, to collect offerings.

A short girl in a blue dress clutched her pet swordfish (who was somehow alive despite being held like a teddie bear) protectively, "I didn't hear anything about an entrance fee!"

"That's because there isn't one." a Belarussian girl in a blue dress walked over and extended a hand curtly to Lovino, "I'm Natalya Arlovskaya, I'm the class representative."

Lovino caught himself staring. Girls should definitely not be this beautiful. It's unheard of. He managed to block out her entire speech, concentrating only on her face. And her hair. And her dress. And her eyes... Dio mio.

"...So if you follow these rules, you won't get thrown off the school's border."

"What rules?" Lovino blinked at Felicia.

Felicia giggled, "Ve ve, pay more attention!"

From there, they were sent to the gym, where a French man was standing on a raised platform. He grinned at them. "Bonjour! My name is Francis Bonnefoy. Some of you know me as The Masked Gentleman... some of you may not. Now! It is time to show your powers! This will be done right up here, in front of everyone. Oui?"

Everyone grumbled.

"I said. OUI?" the last word shook the ground.

His audience errupted with scrambled cries of "yes sir!" and "oui!".

First up was a short kid named Peter Kirkland. Lovino thought he looked vaguely familiar. It turned out his power was to turn himself into a tank, and he was sorted as a hero.

Next up was a girl in a maid-like dress, Elizabeta Hedervary. She was quick to pull out a frying pan and use it as a tennis racket for balls of flame from her mouth. She was also a hero.

The next girl, Lovino recognized as the girl with the fish, apparently Michelle Bonnefoy. Although it was made clear she was Mr. Bonnefoy's daughter, it was also clear that her power to produce mist from her body did not gain her a hero status even under those odds. Sidekick she was.

After that was Gilbert Beilschmidt, and Lovino could already guess how this would go. He was right. After a moment of nothing happening, Mr. Bonnefoy was forced to ask what was new. Gilbert's response: "I'm glowing, man! The awesomeness inside me makes me glow!"

"Sidekick."

"But if you turn off the lights-"

"SIDEKICK." Francis booted him off the platform.

Katerina Kozak, sidekick. Ludwig Beilschmidt, hero. Kiku Honda, sidekick. Heracles Karpusi, sidekick. Ivan Braginski, hero. Yao Wang, hero. Mei Xiao, sidekick. Roderich Edelstein, sidekick. The list went on for a while, it seemed.

When it came to be Felicia's turn, she refused, saying her powers were too embarassing, and immidiately became a sidekick.

"Very well. We will continue all this after lunch, oui?" Mr. Bonnefoy waved them all off, handing roses to all female heroes.

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**The insanity will continue in chapter 2 when I get around to it. :T**


	2. In which Lovino is pathetic

**It's been a whole month since the last update? Jesus, what was I doing? *so totally didn't space out staring at Spain's ass for days at a time what are you talking about***

**On a more serious note, I figured this crossover would get no love whatsoever, so I was pretty surprised when I came back to see this~**

**As per usual, lots of OOC and contradiction to canon everything WHEE~~~**

**Also yes this is GerIta/Itacest/Belamano. Kesesese I'm insane.**

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"Not cool! Bonnefoy's gonna be eating his words when I become the awesomest hero ever! I mean..."

Lovino was not at all interested in Gilbert's droning, nor did he understand how he'd ended up being trailed by Gilbert, Michelle, Felicia and Kiku. Why the hell did he always end up surrounded by idiots anyway, damnit?

"...and someday it's gonna be dark, and he'll loose his keys or wine or something, and I'm not gonna glow for him! The awesome me's gon-"

"SHUT UP ALREADY, JACKASS." Lovino punched him.

"Okay, okay, don't start a fight, ja?" the Prussian kid was a little taller and clearly much stronger than Lovi, so it wasn't surprising when he took the punch and still felt it was okay to tossle his hair.

"Let go of my hair, bastard." Lovino slapped him off, sitting at a table next to Felicia.

Then he noticed something.

Across the cafeteria, a blond German boy was glaring at him. It was unnerving and Lovi could barely keep up the nerve to glare back. Who the hell even was that! "Why the fuck is that guy staring at me, damn it?"

"Dude, that's my bro.. Ludwig Beilschmidt. I call him West."

Felicia, who had paused in her shovelling of pasta, dropped her fork and whined, "Ludwig Beilschmidt...? He's your brother, ve?"

"Hell yeah, man. He's not as awesome as me, but our grandpa got royally fucked over by yours, kesesesese~"

"Huh?"

"Romulus Vargas, ja? The Trojan? Our grandpa's Gerhart Beilschmidt. Vargas pretty much fucked up every villain in the city. Grandpa was one of them, the biggest. He got life in jail for that. West's gonna kick your ass for that, I bet."

"WHAT?" Lovino shuddered and glared at Gilbert, "Why the fuck are you hanging around here, then!"

"Chill, dude. I'm more into chicks and beer than revenge. Kesesese~"

"...Chicks and... YOU'RE 16, DAMNIT!"

"Ja, but not all countries have drinking ages. Oh, and Elizabeta Hedervary's fucking hot."

Lovino rolled his eyes. Actually, there were cute girls here... like Natalya Arlovskaya. In fact, he could see her right now. Over, there, with that Kozak girl and the Braginski guy. Trying to... rip... Braginski's... coat... off... um, wow. How could she do that and still be adorable? He couldn't help but find that amazing. And he just let himself, space out, daydreaming about beautiful, beautiful Natalya...

"Oi, Jones!"

"Ve, Lovi~ Lunch is over!"

"Fuck, what?"

"Ve ve! We've gotta go back to the gym!"

"Shit, right..."

On the way out, Lovi actually bumped into Natalya. Although this was far from what he'd imagined.

"Lovino Jones, da?"

"...You're a... mind-reader?"

"Niet. Nametag." she poked the tag on his chest with a pencil.

"Oh... si..." idiot, idiot, IDIOT.

"Are these your friends?" Natalya quirked a brow at Gilbert and Felicia.

"Hell no.." Lovino turned away from Gilbert pointedly, holding a hand over his face to hide the blush. Damnit, talking to cute girls just HAD to be so goddamn DIFFICULT.

"Look. I need a representative for the freshman commitee, da? So maybe we could talk about it over lunch some time?"

Now the combination of her dazzling face and the terrifying expression she wore was making his stomach plummet. "S-si.. I- I-... I eat lunch..." fuck, brain, why must you fail me now?

"...Cute." Natalya looked up and spotted something far away, why she proceeded to run after with a scream.

Lovino punched himself in the face a few times as he walked on. In no time, he bumped into someone else. Ludwig Beilschmidt. Thankfully the confrontation was short, as he was able to steel his nerves long enough to run to the nearest restroom as fast as his legs could take him.

Where he run into the Chinese boy and the Korean boy from earlier, fresh from tormenting Kiku. The Korean boy smirked, "Idea: How about Jones joins up with us?"

"Good idea." the Chinese boy nodded.

"Good ideas came from my country!"

"S-si..." Lovino didn't feel up to fighting, and that toilet seemed to be the only other option...

"See? Good boy!" the Korean boy patted him, and his curl looked like it was laughing, "Name's Im Yong Soo! And that's Jia Long Wang. See ya!"

They left, leaving Lovino to wallow in his miseries. Fuck, why couldn't he ever fit in? High school was fucking hell, damn it...

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Lovino was picked first when sorting resumed. He could not loathe Bonnefoy more. Standing up there, it crashed on him that he had no powers. And he would be sorted as a sidekick. And his dad would bash his face in. Because he was supposed to be super-strong like Burger Hero Man, right? Even fly like Angelica Brittainia. But he wasn't either of those. He was just Lovino Jones. Even if his dad was Burger Hero Man, his mom was Angelica Brittainia, his grandpa was The fucking TROJAN, he wasn't a superhero. He didn't know what he was doing at this stupid school, he was just going to be trained to hang out weapons to heros, why did he even bother, this was so stupid, just-

"JONES."

Lovino jumped and rubbed his ears, staring at Bonnefoy.

"You're the son of Alfred and Alice Jones, non? Stop daydreaming and show us your powers, oui~?"

"R-r... r-right..." Lovino felt his face growing red, "I-it's just... I... I d-don't have a-any p-powers, d-damnit..."

"No powers?"

"Y-yeah..."

"Vous plaisantez?"

"I-I don't speak f-fucking French, b-bastard..."

"I said. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"

"ACK! No, I don't have any goddamn powers!"

"Hah. You're kidding. CAR."

Lovino was barely able to flatten himself to the ground in time to evade a minivan to the head. "GODDAMNIT, STOP IT!"

"Oui. How about flying?"

The car was taken away, and Lovino had no time to recover before he was launched off of the pad and straight into the wall. By the time he hit the ground, he was in tears, vaguely aware of the other freshmans snickering at him. Felicia rushed over and whined for him to cheer up, but Lovino's entire body hurt from the impact, so much that he barely registered Bonnefoy's call of "SIDEKICK". A sad fact, knowing that it had probably shattered every window in the building.

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"You know, my mom used to do this for your dad when he was your age." The nurses's assistant, a cheeky Belgian girl, giggled as she tapped Lovino's knee for a reflex, "He kicked her right through the wall."

"W... was she okay...?" Lovino grumbled, figuring he might as well make conversation.

"No. She was killed when the rumble fell on her."

"...W-what...?"

"I'm kidding."

"...Y-you don't just joke about those things!" Lovino growled, then averted his eyes, "Did she call him yet..?"

The Vietnamese nurse scoffed from the corner of the room, "Like I want to be the one to tell Burger Hero Man his son is a pathetic, useless-"

"Calm down, Miss Nguyen. Please..."

"Right. He'll get enough shit from his dad."

"M-Miss Nguyen..."

"Check his lungs next, Emma."

"Right." Emma motioned for Lovino to uncross his arms, which he did not. "Um... I need you to, uh..."

"...No. What're you gonna do?"

"Scan your chest!"

"...What?"

"Scan your chest, what else?"

"Perverted creepy girl!"

"It's your chest, not your pants, dumby!"

"But-"

"SHUT UP. BOTH OF YOU. Emma, scan his goddamn chest."

Reluctantly, Lovino spread his arms, and Emma looked over him, "He's fine, Miss Nguyen!"

"That's it?"

"Yeah!"

"Wha..."

"X-Ray vision!" Emma grinned, "Nothing's broken, so..."

"Except I don't have any goddamn powers..."

Miss Nguyen got up and walked over to him, grabbed him by the shoulder and scowled. "Look, Mr. Jones. You're probably a late bloomer."

"Huh...?"

"You could still get one of your parents' powers, or both." Miss Nguyen smiled, "It'll just take longer."

"Any way to make it quicker...?"

"Well, there's dropping you in a toxic waste vat... but chances are you wouldn't survive that." she patted him sympathetically.

"I will get my powers, though, right? Right?" Lovino glanced from Emma to Miss Nguyen, but neither's gaze gave him reassurance.

"Some don't." Emma shrugged, "Like Mr. Carrieda. The bus driver? His parents are both superheros, but he's not, so.."

She pointed out the window, and Lovino saw Mr. Carrieda. The idiot was using a broomstick as a bo staff, fighting off imaginary weapons, before long, he broke the window of the bus door. Lovino felt embarassed just watching the display.

"Real fucking reassuring..." Lovino groaned and slapped a hand to his forehead, "Can I just go? I'll be late for fucking sidekick class..."

"Go get 'em, turtle."

"...Turtle...?"

"You look like a turtle!" Emma grinned and pulled on his cheeks like an old lady would.

"LET GO!"

"But your cheeks are so squishy!"

"NO, DAMN IT, LEMME GO ALREADY!"

"D'aww..."

Lovino slapped her away and ran to class. He hated this school so much...

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**This story, as I mentioned before, got a whole lot more love than I expected. As in three reviews. Seriously, though, that was awesome :D I hope I don't disappoint with chapters to come~**

**A note on names: Yes, Katerina Kozak is Ukraine. Vietnam's full name is Hoa Nguyen, or Nguyen Hoa in eastern order. I still don't have a last name for Belgium/Emma, though. Some help with that would be nice.**

**I know this is horribly out-of-character, but I like the mental images of all of this. Like Romano drooling over Belarus. It's just too much fun to write! XD**

**Alright, I should stop talking now. See ya next time~**


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